Flush With Greatness

Lucas’ last day of school (June 12th) was followed by a picnic at one of the parent’s house. This particular parent is a well-known comic and actor. Thus they have a very nice house, right on a lake. I’ve talked to the mom far more than the famous dad since she usually picks up their daughter. I haven’t interacted with the dad much, but the first time was fairly amusing.

The school participated in the Parade of Species. It is a parade that attracts all sorts of loons and people dressed as other animals. I was going to film the kids so I started walking up the parade route looking for a good place. I spotted this dad and asked if he was so-and-so, he said yes in a voice that clearly stated “Yes, but please leave me alone.” I introduced myself and told him our kids were in school together, he then became much friendlier and we spent the rest of the afternoon following the parade and chatting.

That said, we’re not close and it is kind of exciting to be invited to a celebrities’ house. We had a great time, it was a sunny day and there were lots of kids for the boys to play with. The only hiccup in the afternoon was when Lucas had to go to the bathroom. I asked the mom where the nearest one was (note, had to ask for the nearest – that’s not the case at my house). Lucas and I followed her directions and found a bathroom I would very much appreciate taking home with me. It was quite large, with a Jacuzzi tub, separate shower and lots of floor space.

Now before I go any farther, bear in mind I’m about to discuss bathroom activity. If that’s not for you then tune in next week.

You’ve been warned.

I’ve heard horror stories of people backing-up toilets at inopportune times. Say at a party or while on a date, and then having to sneak away and ruin future relationships rather than owning up to the mess they had made. And such an unpleasant sort of mess it can be. Luckily that wasn’t the case this time. But Lucas did have to poop, and poop he did. Not to be gross, but there was nothing dainty about it.

How do I know?

I had to look.

Why?

No, he didn’t clog the toilet. Thank God!!! But when he tried to flush nothing happened. When the toilet refused to perform its duty I had an awful, sinking feeling. I did not want to inform our hosts about what had happened. Or ask “By the way, do you have any idea of how to remove some poop from your beautiful bathroom?”

Instead I made Lucas stay with me in there, far longer than he wanted. I tried the handle, but had no better results. I lifted the lid and peered inside. Here, I actually knew a little about what I was seeing. Nothing seemed to be broken, which in a way was too bad. I was hoping to manually lift the ballcock and get the thing to flush. No luck. That would have required water. The tank was dry. Obviously, that’s not the ideal situation. I then had the idea of dumping a lot of water into the bowl and getting it to flush that way. But there was no bucket. Which is probably for the best.

You can imagine me dumping the trash out of a can and then filling it from the sink then pouring it into the toilet. I imagined it too, but I also imagined everything coming up over the rim so I didn’t try it. I can’t say a calmer head prevailed, but let’s go with a more worried head. I can easily imagine the worst possible outcome, and I frightened myself.

Instead I messed with the innards of the bowl again. This time I heard a faint hissing sound and realized that I had gotten the plug to secure itself better and that water was starting to flow. Slowly, very slowly. Patience is not my strong suit but I held firm this time. There was no way I was going to try flushing early. So we waited a while more and finally were able to leave the bathroom without disgrace.